wasted on me

I just discovered that I'll be staying at a 5-star hotel in Delhi. What's up with that? All I usually need is a simple, clean room and not much else. Here's a run down of the places I've stayed at in my Fall 2009 traveling circus.

Hyatt San Francisco - 4 stars! Decent room, fantastic location.
Hilton Garden Inn Manhattan (Herald Square) - 3 stars. Fantastic location, great room.
JW Marriott Rio de Janeiro - 5 stars!
Hilton Sao Paulo - 5 stars! Great room. Great location for business, crap location for seeing Sao Paulo.
Melia Buenos Aires - 5 stars! I have absolutely no idea why this hotel is "5 stars"

My personal ranking - based on the quality of the room, location, and cleanliness (not price)
3 star Hilton Garden Inn Herald Square
5 star Hilton Sao Paulo
4 star Hyatt San Francisco
5 star JW Marriott Rio de Janeiro Copacabana
5 star Melia Buenos Aires

My personal ranking based on smoothness of service
5 star Hilton Sao Paulo - smooth
3 star Hilton Garden Inn Herald Square - everything just worked. We asked them for nothing.
4 star Hyatt San Francisco - everything just worked. We asked them for nothing.
5 star Melia Buenos Aires - charged extra for Internet
5 star JW Marriott Rio de Janeiro Capacabana - lots of screwups followed by ass kissing.

My personal ranking based on ass-kissing
5 star JW Marriott Rio de Janeiro Capacabana - lots of screwups followed by ass kissing. Lots of free stuff at their restaurants
5 star Hilton Sao Paulo - somehow all their recommendations for restaurants for almost gaudy, with OK food
5 star Melia Buenos Aires - even if that only means awkwardness from excessive door opening and button pushing
4 star Hyatt San Francisco - we asked for nothing, they did nothing
3 star Hilton Garden Inn Herald Square - we asked for nothing, they did nothing

Lesson? Get a five star hotel if you want someone to kiss your ass