i am no fun

**WARNING**
Some of the content of this post is excessively descriptive. Really... I'm putting this here for a reason.
***************

So, does anyone want to do anything this weekend? Sorry, I'm busy Friday and Saturday night. Want to do something for Superbowl Sunday? No, I can't make it. When will I be able to hang out? Um... maybe March?

It's not that I don't like you (well... maybe), but I'm going to be busy. Busy doing what? Busy having a nurse shave my balls. (-; Literally.

Yeah, my insides are falling out and the doc needs to patch me up with a plastic mesh to keep my innards *in*. No, I'm not kidding!

I have a hernia and I need to get it fixed. Not familiar with hernias? It's when your intestines find a way out of the abdominal cavity. Mine is an inguinal hernia, meaning that it's protruding out of my crotch. No, that extra mass down there isn't a good thing! No sex for weeks afterwards! (not that that would really matter anyway...)

No, it doesn't really hurt. It definitely feels unusual. Unusual how it occassionally feels like something is putting pressure on a third testicle down there that I don't have. Oh... and when I fart, or have bowel movements, I can feel it move sometimes. (-; Don't you ever wonder how you can have a lot of gas but you don't look visibly bigger? Well, with a hernia, it's almost like a little window. You can't see inside, but you can feel as your lunch (or dinner) moves through while you're sitting on the can. (-; Jealous, huh?

Want one of your very own? I don't really recommend it, but you can try to get one by smoking a lot to develop a good smokers' cough. You can also try to lift really heavy stuff. Uber-constipation also helps. Or, you overachievers out there can try to smoke, cough, and lift heavy objects while trying to force constipated poop out of your rectum. Your body, you do what you want.

As for me? I'm not really sure how I got mine. I'm sure my cough at the beginning of January certainly didn't help. Or maybe it was me propping up my bed to help my cough... or the combination of the two? Either way, I don't smoke and I'm pretty sure it's not constipation.

If you have read this entire post up to this point, give yourself a pat on the back. Was it the morbid curiousity, or do your *really* have nothing better to do?

almost queen, part deux

Almost Queen was in town again today, and I was there again to witness it.

Different set, but still an awesome performance. Unlike the last concert, this time it was packed. I even saw a few people from work there. They were impressed as well.

I'm not going to write a ton on it again, because I already did it before. They still rock. Here's my previous post.

must feed

In theory, cooking your own meals at home is cheaper than going out to eat. I put that to the test today...

$4.60 Strip Steak
$0.55 Onion
$1.99 Mushrooms
$0.72 Tomato
---------------------------
$7.86 Total from Heinen's

Add to that the probably $1.00 worth of lettuce, oil, dressing that I used. About $8.88 or so. Pricey for a home-cooked meal, but still cheaper than eating out and getting something similar. Only problem is that I overcooked the steak. :-(

Next time I'll do better.

political commentary of the day

My comments from signing the moveon.org petition to have an independent investigation of domestic wiretapping activities:

I can understand the justification of reduced civil liberties in a time of war. However, what is troubling in this situation is that our fight on terrorism is one that has no clear end.

If we can foresee an attainable definition of victory, then it would be justifiable to reduce civil liberties temporarily for the purpose of preserving our nation and what it represents.

However, in the present situation, it appears that there is no clear end to the war on terrorism. This creates a scenario where our civil liberties can become permanently suspended. If this is the case, then the terrorists would have effectively destroyed what makes our society unique.

While I do not protest the use of executive power on the grounds of being in a state of war, I do have strong objections to using this justification as a means to permanently reduce our civil liberties.

these guys are awesome!

So I was reading my new favorite newspaper, the International Herald Tribune (more on this later), and spotted this article on NFL quarterbacks and their facial hair. Halfway through the article, there was a quote from the captain of Beard Team USA. Needless to say, I had to check it out.

And what did I find? Wonderful, wonderful beards. Not in your wildest dreams would you find such bountifully abundant moustaches and beards. Check the world champs.

So back to the International Herald Tribune... I've been using news.google.com more recently, and I've noticed that iht.com was by far the easiest online news to read. I poked around their site some today and learned that this is the very same newspaper that I like to steal whenever I'm in Chicago's O'Hare airport. Good articles, good broad coverage, and none of the tabloid crap that's so common nowadays. Sorry. I'm not a huge fan of gossip.

ridiculous link of the day

Third post of the day. Lordy, this is getting excessive. But I had to share. :-)

Thanks to Scott, who referenced carrier pigeons in his e-mail about moving back to Houston, I was presented an ad for a "Pigeon Loft Organizer."

"What on Earth is a Pigeon Loft Organizer!?," you might ask. Some choice snippets from their site:

• Do you need to upgrade from an obsolete, "legacy", pedigree program?
• Pigeon Loft Organizer software provides a quick and easy way for you to manage all your pigeon data.
• Create pedigrees incorporating JPEG images of the object pigeons and parents
• Identify all sons & daughters of a selected cock or hen
• Analyse your racing results by Club, race point, year, pigeon
  

nucular

I've just been playing with local.live.com for a bit. Nice aerial photos. None of downtown Cleveland though.

But who needs downtown Cleveland when you can get a great pic of the Perry Nuclear Power Plant?

Yes, I can see this from my window. Obviously not so close (or maybe not so obvious?).

dreaming of the mbta

Um.... strange, but it's been the second time in a week when I've had a dream that involved the MBTA (Boston's subway system, to be specific). Must be those spare passes I keep seeing in my wallet.

Dream #1:
I was trying to catch the red line to Kendall Square (MIT Sloan reference I'm sure). But instead of the current system of trains, they had this huge two story platform like it was some sci-fi movie or something.

Basically there were two sets of tracks so that twice as many trains could run. I decided to try to bottom tracks.

As I got to the bottom platform I noticed that my train was just leaving. Crap. I raced back up the ramp to try to catch the one on the upper platform, since that's where the next train would arrive.

As I neared the upper platform, the train arrived. "I got it" thought me. I ran to the car closest to me, but the door closed just before I got there. Crap again.

Knowing that I can't make it back down to the bottom platform in time by running, I stood frozen for a few moments trying to decide what to do. I heard the train coming in the bottom platform.

Without thinking, I climbed over the fence and dropped down to the bottom platform. I landed on the platform just as the train was slowing down. I had made it.

Do not *ever* try this. It's what I would call stupid.

Dream #2:
I was about to enter one of the subway stations when I realized that I didn't have any tokens and only the blue line seemed to take the passes that I had. As I backed away from the turnstile I looked around for the guy who sells the tokens. Nowhere to be found. I looked around some more and noticed that another entryway did accept my pass. Score.

The funny thing is that the slot for the pass was above the doorway. Since I have crazy hops, I was able to get it in on the first try. I passed through.

As I was walking in, I started wondering whether I needed to get the pass back. When I used the pass before the turnstiles would always give me that pass back even though it didn't have any value left. As I was pondering, I noticed a beep coming from the door. I turned around and saw a light flashing and I knew that I needed to go back and get it.

However, someone else saw this and started running for it. I gave chase. We got there at the same time and jumped up to snatch the pass. Like a going up for a rebound or jump ball in basketball...

I managed to get the pass even though the other guy was much taller than I was. I then called him a bitch for trying to take it.

As I walked back towards the subway, I began to think that maybe something else had happened when I was caught up with trying to get my pass. I then noticed that my watch was missing.

I darted back towards the other guy.

Eventually I caught up with him at a mall where my foot speed allowed me to catch up to him and knee him in the sternum. He had my watch. That bastard.

At this time, security came along and sorted things out. I told them that it was my watch and that I could get the serial number to prove it.

My brain decided to skip the following boring part. I got my watch back and I drove to work.

On the highway, I noticed that I was behind the guy who stole my watch. He was driving a black car with a vanity plate, similar to mine. But instead of IP 88, he had his full name on there along with some numbers.... something to the effect of 7.13.1983vPAUL_IP or something really retarded. Some combination of possible birthdate, then his name, which coincidentally was also my name.

Also coincidentally, he worked in the same place as I did. Not just the same place, but one row over from where I sat. We exchanged some dirty looks....

links of the day

Ever wanted to be a trucker?

link of the day

Link of the day

random thoughts

A rambling of some of the thoughts that have been running through my mind:

• "I'm getting nothing done"
  Clearly... you're writing in your blog. You haven't done this in an entire week. Clearly procrastinating...
  
  
• "Maybe I should buy a Mac. For some reason they actually seem somewhat affordable now."
  Um... you may have no choice what computer you'll end up getting. Either way, it probably won't be a Mac, unless you go photo crazy. Get some L glass first, then worry about the computer.
  
  
• "I should go buy software"
  
  
  
• "Should I get a new battery for my iPod mini?"
  No. It technically still works. It's just a little tempermental. How often do you use the battery anyway? Suck it up and deal with it.
  

jump starting the 2006 travel season

OK... that's a complete misnomer... especially since this is a one day trip and I have no firm travel plans for the rest of the year. But just you wait... there might be some extensive excursions!

Right?

Oh right. I'm flying to Boston in the morning, and coming back Saturday. If weather permits, I may be at the Progressive Direct Year-End Event (yes... Year-End Event Jan 7th!).

compare and contrast

Not to be totally insensitive... but...

Coal mining deaths in the US
Coal mining deaths in China

Nation mourns 12 deaths from a single event, vs. no one really talks about the average 16 deaths/day in China. Same compare and contrast for US military fatalities vs. Chinese mining fatalities. Then again, there are a lot of Chinese people, right?