Monday, April 20, 2009

needlessly complicated

I’ve never had trouble zipping up after going to the bathroom, but apparently some people have serious problems with getting their stuff back in order after doing #1.  I just witnessed a fellow who was clearly doing it wrong.  Some pointers:

  1. Continue facing the wall
    There is no reason to take a step back and turn to face the door and any unsuspecting person like myself so that we can see what you’re up to.  It’s embarrassing to everyone.
  2. Don’t worry about your shirt
    With practice, you’ll be able to find your zipper and slide it up without having to lifting up your shirt and holding it there with your chin.  After a few years of practice, you should be able to do this without looking.  If you have no feeling in your fingers, I apologize.  That must be rough.
  3. Keep your boxers in your pants
    Pulling your boxers as far out of your pants as possible is the exact opposite of what you want to be doing.  In order to close the zipper, you can’t have your boxers or anything else in the way.  If you do that so that no one can see you while you’re doing the act, then consider facing the wall while you do this whole operation instead of showing off each time so we can see how good you are at what you do.

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